Welcome to My Blog!

Lloyd Head ShotThroughout recent decades, I have experienced a growing heartache regarding the accelerating deterioration of the American culture and the American family. The sense of loss and a remarkable hope for the future inspired an increasing desire to share many thoughts with an expanding number of people.

After thinking about it for a while, I decided that a blog is the best medium. The Internet is a familiar medium, providing easy access from virtually anywhere. It provides a platform for immediate feedback and ongoing conversations. E-mail is fast, but it excludes others from the discussions. Blogs also allow for archiving discussions for retrieval later.

Here’s how I anticipate this working. Periodically, I will write a new post, perhaps one to several times a week. I have recently completed writing a book entitled, Wake Up America–or Die! YOU Must Save America and the Family. Some, but not  all, posts may be exciting excerpts from the book.

Please do provide me with feedback. I want to hear “the good, the bad, and the ugly.” If you disagree with me or want to provide an alternative perspective, go for it! If you are uncomfortable using your real name, use an alias. The important thing is to tell me what’s on your mind.

19 thoughts on “Welcome to My Blog!”

  1. Anonymous

    Thanks for your hard work and dedication. It is wonderful to see passionate people living out their dream. As I read your blog on the homemaker, I felt proud that I managed to be good homemaker(in review of your check list) Although I worked full-time as the primary wage earner for my family, I can honestly say I never left home, …maybe physically, but not in the relationship building with my family or management of the household. ….and love was hardly out of the air. My children never seem to want to leave home, even now at 17 & 21 years, both children will tell you their most desirable place is home, with my husband and I (married 25+ years) My daughter is studying medicine and looking forward to having a family as well. She knows family comes first ….as did mine…but it will be her choice to decide how to manage both…it can be done! There are stay home mom’s who are not present. being physically present doesn’t mean you will be an automatic homemaker…nor should having a career mean you will not.

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    1. I appreciate your very thoughtful comments. As a man, I’ve enjoyed a successful career rising to positions as high as Regional Vice President of Operations and Corporate Vice President of Industrial Marketing. Later I served as a full-time homemaker caring for my late wife 24/7 for seven years until she left this life. As a homemaker, I cared for someone at the end of life, rather than children at the beginning of life, but the experiences are similar in many ways.

      After have a very successful career and also serving as a homemaker at a different time, my inescapable conclusion is that homemaker is better. The impact lasts far longer. An employer will use your services or mine as long as they need you–then, it’s over. We are quickly forgotten. Family is forever; the loss of you or me to our families would leave a big hole for a long time to come. Consider that my book could not have been written, if I had not had the 7-year experience as a homemaker. The book is part of the legacy of my late wife. What do you think?

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    2. Indeed! It’s wonderful to be able to be a stay-at-home mom and mothers who do choose to stay at home should be commended for their decision to work in the home and dedicate their lives to raising their children. However, the decision to be or not to be a stay-at-home is a personal and/or financially dictated choice. For those of us though, like myself and my mother, who had little choice in the matter due to personal and financial circumstances–in spite of the fact that we had to work outside the home, we remained dedicated and attentive to our homes and our children.

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      1. Good comments, Pamela. Clearly, every family must make their own decisions.

        Personally, I prefer the term homemaker to “stay-at-home mom.” Homemaker is much more comprehensive and represents more fully the importance of what she is doing. Occasionally, in one of my online classes, a woman posts an introductory message saying something like, “I stay at home to take care of the kids.” My reply is that you don’t stay at home to take care of the kids; you can pay someone to do that. You stay at home to raise the kids. There’s a world of difference. What do you think?

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    3. Saryah

      I just got finished reading about how the homemaker is the heart of the home. I couldn’t agree more. I hope that I always have the ability to be the wife and mother and homemaker that I strive to be. I am new at this, and I guess not technically a mother yet. (I still have a few more months before baby Obadiah arrives) But I already feel the strong motherly and wifely urges… I want my home to be a happy home, filled with love and all centered around the love from our Father in heaven and his son Yeshua. I want to be the best that I can be. Always putting God and my family first. I look forward to reading more of your posts Dr. Stebbins. I like what I have read so far very much! Thank you, have a blessed day!

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      1. Thank you for your comments, Saryah. At the top of the navigation pane on the left, click on the red folder. The navigation pane will expand. The scroll down until you see “Homemaker.” Click on Homemaker and see all the messages relevant to that topic.

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  2. William Landers

    Dr. Lloyd,

    It is with a heavy heart that some of us experience life changing events to see what really is important. To you I say bravo for the dedication that you undertook as a homemaker caring for your wife through her times when she needed you most. Family dynamics have changed in this country and most of them for the worst. We are more worried about punching a clock, making a deadline or impressing a boss for an employee review to undertake what is more important, which is family.

    Over the course of my life, I have fallen into this “trap” myself. I have lived out of a suitcase since I was 18 starting in the military then switching to the life of a travelling contractor going where the work has taken me. I’ve worked all over the United States, and even around the world. This life eventually caught up with me as it cost me my first marriage. The last time I “hit the road” it was for 7 years, my oldest daughter was 13 and my son was 8. Now, I have to deal with knowing that the times my children needed me most, I was not there. There were many events in my childrens lives that I missed that I will never get back. Pee wee football games, graduations, or even just someone needing advice.

    I did however, instill many values into my kids that were learned from me as a child myself which did help set them on roads to success. My daughter is doing well as she finds herself and what it is she wants out of this life, and my son has just recently joined the military where he is already doing well. Having said all of that, it makes a man sit back and recollect where he could have done better in being a father instead of being gone.

    I look at those years, knowing that time is gone and I will never get it back and it has changed my way of thinking and how I look at what is important. I have been in my “new” job stateside, settled in as re-married man and know now that family is more important than chasing the ever loving dollar. We all do need to survive however, but it is up to us to realize better ways of going about it and put our families first instead of the back burner. I look forward to reading exerpts from this book to see how I can still improve and move forward even at this junction in life. Thank you for imparting your knowledge and out look on how we can make things better not only for us but to maybe right this ship that is listing.

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  3. Thank you, Bill for the candid personal comments. I’ve asked many groups of people, “What is the difference between standard-of-living and quality-of-life?” Rarely do people understand the difference. Following about 20 minutes of discussion, the consensus is that standard-of-living is represented by the aggregate value of all the stuff accumulated in a life to-date. Quality-of-life is a function of personal health and our network of interpersonal relationships beginning with the family and working outward. Base on those definitions, I typically ask which is more important. Nearly unanimously everyone chimes, “quality-of-life.” The overwhelming vote begs the question, “If quality-of-life is more important then why do YOU devote most of your waking hours to standard-of-living?” Occasionally, someone says that’s pretty heavy, Dr. Stebbins. To which I reply, “No it isn’t. It’s not heavy; it’s just common sense. But the lack of that piece of common sense has trapped millions of people in our culture.

    Regardless of career choice, your employer will use your services as long as they need you. Then–it’s over. You’re done and very soon forgotten. But family is forever. If something disastrous happened to you, presumably it would leave a big hole for a long time to come.

    I’ve personally enjoyed a rewarding career having the privilege of rising to positions as high as Regional Vice President of Operations and Corporate Vice President of Industrial Marketing. I’ve also served as a homemaker for seven years caring for my late wife 24/7, during that time. I’ve been a senior executive and I’ve been a homemaker. Comparing both, homemaker is better because the impact lasts far into the future perhaps eternity. Although my book has little to do with my personal experience as a homemaker, the book couldn’t have been written without the inspiration that emerged from that experience. What do you think?

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    1. William Landers

      Dr. Lloyd,

      Quality of life should always take the forefront of standard of living. It is up to us as individuals and as family men to make that realization. What I have seen, found and experienced in my life as an adult and a family man is getting caught up in the “keeping up with the Jones'” syndrome. It seems that just because another friend or family member has something, we need to have that or better.

      I noticed a freind of mine one time that had to have all of the toys: extra cars, motorcycles, boats, rv’s and atv’s because everyone else had them. Well this eventually bit him in the end. This freind of mine who I had known since childhood had to work so much overtime to pay for it all that he did not have the time to take his family out and enjoy all of these toys he had collected.

      After a bit of time, his hours at work were cut and he ended up filing bankruptcy. In reality, his family lost almost everything they had. It was a dark time for my freind and he came to me for advice. He wanted to know why I was content with what I had instead of collecting a bunch of stuff I didn’t need. My answer to him was “If I can’t take my family out to enjoy the spoils of my earnings, why have it?” He said that was when it clicked for him and he could see that at that point I was happier and less stressed about life than he was.

      I have made my mistakes as well, we all do because we are human. What we all need to do is keep family at the front of what we do because family is what is most important to us next to our faith. Families are not perfect, we all have our issues, but it is up to us to decide what is important and help keep our families together and help when needed.

      I don’t need all of the toys, gadgets and gizmos to ensure my happiness. Knowing that I have a family that supports me and I them, being there for them when they are at their darkest moments, and being able to help someone that cannot help themselves is where I get the feeling of accomplishment. Not really a feeling of accomplishment per say, but a feeling that I am doing good gives a sense of self worth.

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  5. Deb Leister

    Dr Stebbins
    True to my word, I visited your site. I am in a crunch writing a paper for the final case study I am evaluating. The thread above is something I am going to mull over the next few days as I am currently at my in-laws. My father is dealing with dementia and my mother is dealing with final stages of PLS.

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  9. Anonymous

    Thank-you Dr. Stebbins for the wonderful insight. Ironically, as we finish my class with you, I am just starting this journey with my elderly mother. My sister is the primary care giver at this time, but I am certainly going to be in the que so to speak as time goes on. I appreciate the words of encouragement that you impart in your blog, and it is indeed refreshing to know that there are family oriented peoples such as myself that still exist in this raucus world we have created.

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